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is this how you stop needing [Jul. 29th, 2007|10:58 pm] sent… - nategan [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[Jul. 31st, 2007.02:39 am]
nategan


is this how you stop needing [Jul. 29th, 2007|10:58 pm]
sent 7/29/2007 5:41 PM:
you are a hypocrite. you tell me its not my fault but you put faults at me. im fucking sorry if ive misled you from time to time.
you tell i need to fucking leave but you tell me you dont want me to.

well ill do you the biggest favor. ill give you what you need.
Link

[Jul. 28th, 2007|01:01 am]
my eyes are at the bottom of the ocean
Link say


[Jul. 24th, 2007|12:27 am]
excuse me for about, ever.
Link say


[Jul. 22nd, 2007|09:59 pm]
hanging feet feel so free but they risk losing balance. it's a familliar feeling, actually. why am i saying that, why do i have to think like that just because i'm looking at my feet that are hanging from the cement i'm sitting on? below my feet is a river that leads to the seven seas or more! maybe if jump, i will fall into the arms of a mermaid and she will swim me into the depths of the sea where neptune's firefly eyes will hold me back from home like magnets! then i will miss mouthing the words 'olive juice' to the hurricane boy who thought i said 'i love you', but i actually did.
Link say



[Jul. 19th, 2007|01:24 pm]
temporary high.
Link say



[Jul. 19th, 2007|01:23 pm]
ifran! take a look at this:

The Bottom Line
The time has come for strict conservation. Challenge yourself to spend less money.

In Detail
As unpleasant as it might sound to you right now, you would be wise to reevaluate your lifestyle. Both the time you have been spending so freely and the money you have been spending so freely are in danger of running out sooner than you might think, so the time has arrived for some strict conservation on your part. Challenge yourself to see how little money you can spend in a day and how quickly you can run through your errands. You just may surprise yourself.


goddamnit.
Link 1 said /say



summer like fall [Jul. 11th, 2007|01:21 am]


but the cold is blowing like winter. and if it was i would be a snowflake and fall on the tip of your tongue. you will feel me for a second and then after, i will no longer be there.
Link say

[Jul. 11th, 2007|01:03 am]
the people you love will eventually kill you. that's when you learn to take the letdowns in life, even by the ones you think that aren't supposed to. you get knocked out more than 3 times, actually infinite but you've got to get up for it to happen again. and you will always get up.
Link say



[Jul. 9th, 2007|03:31 pm]
okay so i made a complete idiot out of myself. sorry.




but it was fun.
Link say



[Jul. 7th, 2007|02:21 am]
her eyou gotta work it out work it outj
eewah wha wah wah wah alcohol in my susten
system
and i am so tired
i am closing my eyes and i am typing what evers in my head with neypojnce plaing in the backfroung.

NOW BRSNED NEW IS PLAYINGF AND I HAVE MY EYES CLOSED AGBAIN. I AM THINKING OF SOMEONE AND I THINK SOME ONE WOULD PROBABLU KNOWTHAT I AM THINKING OF HIM . YTOU AR ELIKE THR SSTERANFDS OF HAIR ON MY HEAD AN I DONT KNWO HWY I SAID THGAT AAHAHAHAHAA.

sp;ill i spilt some vodka on me. this seemed like a better idea when i wasnt alcohol infeewsted my blood is passing out at the sight of you sometimes i shribel inside because i know i know i know i know maybe i know mnayebe i am wrongf


i need to peeeee

tyioyu know its luikw when iu walk i sway to the music in my head and what is playing now? i don know. but he musci in my head is grofory and the hawks iurreplaceabekl omg its so nice and i want to be like her. maybe i can impress you like that maybe you'll notice how the skin onm my fingers turnb to hide when i play songs and praxctice for you but you dont hear it eentually because i am too shy.


feeligns are inevietable but they will all go away eventually and i like to wait becuase i have always been waiting wqaiting waiting. i had a dream this morning, i shodk,be asleep and drwaming now.

OMG THE SONG TIGHT NOW
WHAT I LEIK ABOTU YOU! YOU GGOLD ME TIGHTTTTTTTTTTTT
BALBALBALBA;LABLA CAUSE IK CANT REMEMEBR THE LYRICS BUT I K NOIW RAMONES ARE SINGING IT.

HSHSHAHAHAHAHahahhhhh i askeds vanessa whats it ike t be in love and she saud it was madness.

MADHNESS MADNESS LOVE SCHMOEBVS
I AM SLEEPY I AM TIRED MY INSOMENIA IS COMING BVAK1!
BUT I AMTIRED LET ME SLEEP MR SANDMAN BRING ME THE DUST I FEED ON WHEN I AM AFRAID OF BEING AWAKE BECAUDR OF LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE RHYMES WITH PITY NOW

OH LOVELIEST LOVELY WHY AM I TYOPING IN CAPS LOCK BECAUSE IF I WERE SAYING ALL OF THIS ID BE SHOUTING AND THATS HOW YOU SHOUT ON THE INYTERNET, CAP;SLOCK AND BOLD AND HJUGE ASS FNOTS
LIKE IM SHOUTING </fo>

I MISS YOUR TIRED EYES I AM IGNORING THE YELLOW BOZX AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN I MISS YOUR VOICE AND EBVERYTHING OF YOU I MISS YOUR SMELL I MISS YOUR LIPS I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS EVERYTHING OF YOU BUT YOU THINK I DONT
YHOU ASSHOLE WHEN IS IT EVEE R GOING TO FGET TO YOUR HEAD THAT I AM CRTAZY ABOUT YOU
WHOWARE YOU WHO ARE YOU WHO ARE YOU?
YOU ARE MY DREAM
DREAMS SONT ERXCIST
:il*:*:*:(:(:(:(: :( :(: ( :( :( :( :(
\
YOU Makae me nervboud nervous bnerbous ahhHAHAhahaa ph dear god let me sleep do i wont say anymore and this will all be actually some REALLY BAD DREAM BECAUSE THETRE IS TOO MUCH TYPO IN A POST I AM A PERFECTIONIST IN HTM,L AND BLOGGING BEDCAUSE I HATE SPELLING ERRORS BUT I AMN TIRED AND ,AZUR FUCKING HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SATAN ARE YOU DOING THIS BECAUSE WE FORGOT TO PRAY FOR YOU
\
ODJ


I NEED TO PEE AGAIN BUT I AM LAXZY TO MOVE TO THE TOULET SO I'LL JUST WAIT FOR MORNINGH TWILIGHT TWILIGHT DAWN SUNRISE
I WANT TO SLEEP I WANt so many things

i want to make myuself hgappy! and i bought some probakblyh non workinhg vamera off yahoo auctions because it looks so nice for
11
4233
55 dollars!

i cant find the no 5 button. i can now but i couldiungjust now.

mny head is tired.


i am ogting to click the post button now GOODSNIGHT AND NEVEE RA EVER TRY TO DRINK ALONE WHILE YOUR NEDXT TO YOUR COMPUTER AND CAPABLE OF TYPO ERORRS ON MSN!

I HATE YOU ALL! i lie.
Link 1 said /say



[Jul. 6th, 2007|04:27 pm]


i must have a boy that cooks!





Link say



[Jul. 6th, 2007|12:35 pm]




how can i believe in finding when i am always in a corner waiting?
Link say



[Jul. 5th, 2007|01:36 pm]
i have no pictures left, i sit and walk and sleep and tire myself for the cost of 200 dollars a week at a dusty office with mice and rats, literally or figuratively speaking. i have lost my insomnia, i don't want to lose it, it was fun having it, it was fun staying awake. but i am asleep most of the time now, i dream too much of nothing and what scares me the most is that sometimes i do not dream at all. i have been living and feeding on nights with alcohol. the cost of the loss of control, 20 bucks or my bank account, and carefully walking into a quicksand of regret, only realising that i'm drowned and dead the next morning. how far have i been walking before the fall? i don't know but from the blisters and cuts on my feet, maybe very far. maybe i deserve this amount of sleep. and i deserve this amount of nothing in my life. but i don't want it, you can have it back and reserve it for me until i am useless to do anything else, i will need the sleep and nothing then. i need a green field and shapey clouds, polaroid film, money, new clothes, new places to go, new pictures, a new everything. i need to sing more, i need to write more, i need to make more music, without a physical strive this time round. i can't want to do things for people, i will want thank yous that i know will never be said(most of the time). i want a musical box so i can arrange my necklaces. i want necklaces to arrange in a musical box. i want an old piano that can work, against a tree by a river in a secret spot only i know so i can press chords Dm, F, C, Am, G and play sarah mclachan's angel because it is beautiful. but i must remember those chords and where to press, because i don't know how to play the piano or keyboard or whatever he calls it. who is he? he is a friend. and so is she, her, him, it, they, us and there is no us because it is only me now in this office with mice and rats.
Link say



[Jul. 4th, 2007|05:33 pm]
this could be a little favour or this could be a chance to miss me.
Link say


[Jul. 3rd, 2007|03:58 pm]
i wake up early and fade fast.
Link say


in this world [Jun. 22nd, 2007|01:08 pm]
i may be the only beast a creature like you should trust
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this hasn't happened before [Jun. 20th, 2007|01:55 am]
feels like...



that.
Link 1 said /say



[Jun. 18th, 2007|12:38 pm]
but of course i am as dry as the leaves on the trees, sometimes you blow me away and sometimes i am still left hanging. remember, you are strong, you are a hurricane without a name, and if you pass i might not be able to find you. maybe if i were stronger, maybe if i were metal roots i could hold myself down, i wouldn't feel you and i could live forever..

unless you become rain and make me rust.
Link say



[Jun. 18th, 2007|02:17 am]
natsumi says (1:31 AM):
im going to dream to sleep to dream.
days says (1:31 AM):
just dream
natsumi says (1:31 AM):
if they could be real i would never sleep.
Link say



elizabethtown [Jun. 16th, 2007|05:49 pm]
i will miss your lips and everything attached to them
Link say



[Jun. 14th, 2007|01:48 pm]
we're growing older.
Link 1 said /say


[Jun. 13th, 2007|02:05 pm]
intruder alert! intruder alert!
execute immediately.
Link say



[Jun. 11th, 2007|06:23 pm]
not many make my eyes twinkle.
Link say



secrets [Jun. 10th, 2007|05:04 am]
i like to sing. i would like to sing to you. secretly, i do, but i'm not sure you hear me. because everything is almost a secret, like my photographs too. you don't know when i do it, maybe you do, and i don't know it when you do. i like to look at you secretly too, and my heart races when you smile or laugh, your eyes, they are like a great spill of stars.

don't tell anyone.

amelie poulain [Jun. 7th, 2007|10:04 pm]
when the photobooth photograph speaks to nino:

"psst! psst!"
"want to know about her?"

"you know her?"

"you bet!"
"she puts us in her shirt pocket, next to her breast!"

"is she pretty?"

"not bad, not bad. not bad."
"beautiful."
"no, pretty."
"beautiful."

"what does she want from me?"

"she's broke."
"she wants a reward for the album."
"or else, she collects photos, too."
"she wants to trade us for a one-eyed man with glasses!"

"..."

"NO, YOU DOPE!"
"she's in love."

"i don't even know her."

"you do."

"since when?"

"since always."
"in all your dreams."
Link say



[Jun. 6th, 2007|12:57 am]
when you are a werewolf,
which happens
far too often,
i seduce the moon
but never will it
soften

there is a change
of skin and
a lack of heart.
a
change of pace and too much of art.
a lack of language and a
hunt for prey,
a change
of approach, none willing to stay.

you become a beautiful predator.
you kill because you are a hungry wolf, only for tonight.
so i forgive you
if
you
can
smell
my
scent

and kill me.



but when you are a werewolf with no shine from the moon. even a werewolf in mid-afternoon. with no change of skin, and no lack of heart. normal pace and just enough art. speaking in stories and poems and lies, feasting on bread and moving in strides. but

you
are
still
predator;


and i may be prey. or even others who are willing to stay.

you don't bare your fangs
you don't make a
sound
you pounce unexpectedly
and who will

fall

to the ground?

i will not forgive you if you kill me today
this is a lie, a tragedy, a fucking charade

because you do not deserve to feast
on a hunter who will one day at least

kill a
beau tiful,
dirty,

wolf.
Link say



[Jun. 3rd, 2007|03:10 am]
sorry, did i ruin the moment for you?
Link say



when there is uncomfort or lack of confidence, [Jun. 1st, 2007|03:33 am]


hide your skin or hide your face.
Link say

dear soldier, [May. 31st, 2007|11:54 pm]



the only reason why i disapprove of this war is because i had to watch you leave.

n.
Link say



[May. 30th, 2007|02:54 am]
you fidget when you dream with your eyes open and when you don't, you smile for and not because of. sometimes.
Link say



[May. 28th, 2007|10:45 pm]
madame moon never had her own light, she reflects her own scars and her temper. she will twirl in the morning and night, and even when the skies turn into amber. but she cries in the night for her scars, wanting for them to go. stars are her lovers that leave, breaking her as they glow. now i am the moon with my scars, and hoping that they'll go away. for you've been my glowing stranger, who's strangely a star that will stay. but the planets will want you to shine, neglecting the lonely sun. lonely as i will come to be, broken and left undone. you can tell that my silence is loud and i'm fighting the dark with my eyes. but my hands, they will dance you a melody, they will take you aback by surprise. and i am tracing each thought on the ground, letters you cannot see. word after word unfound, but then spoken easily. i don't mind the scars if you stay, and as long as you'll be by my side. even if you belong to the planets, i will shine with you althrough the night.
Link say


[May. 28th, 2007|01:42 am]


how are you a beggar if you do not ask, you leave your bowl out and let people give if they want to, thank them anyway if they don't? how are you a beggar if you do not beg?
Link say



[May. 27th, 2007|02:56 am]
stars don't grant wishes.
Link say



[May. 26th, 2007|03:18 am]
i'm out of photographs and it's difficult to find a bit of words when connor is making me feel drowsy and it's making me close my eyes. i am still thinking of things to write about but when i open my eyes i forget them. you can't be my thought right now, because if i open my eyes i might forget you.

once i wished i had eyes of green so maybe you could look into them even more than how you always would, then i could feel even more special than how i've always felt when you do. maybe you wouldn't look at me because you wouldn't know who i am, because the eyes of the girl you know are dark. maybe you would still look at me the same because you wouldn't be looking at my eyes, you'd be reading me through them because thats what you always do. there are secret letters and numbers that only you will know, because only you will read them, because only you are special, because its only you.

.
..
...

let's skip to the next thought because this one should be kept secret and my eyes are still brown, and still closed, afraid to open because the next thought is sure bound to be about you.

i hope one day you will hit me with a touche and i will smile at the beautiful wound.
Link say



treasure [May. 25th, 2007|03:14 am]
i lied low on a net, looked at half a moon, 5 stars and clouds that were covering the other thousand. i was remembering the last good memory about this place, it was the sunrise before we left to explore new land in late december. and then i walked, spelled out a name in the sand, i sat, and i swung below, afraid of height and then i adjusted my ears to the conversation on top of me. i heard a lot of truth, most of which i quietly agreed to. less of some i couldn't make out at all. there was a shine in the sand that was distracting me, at first i thought it was a bottlecap, but i looked again and i picked up a dollar. i found treasure, as well as a bit of luck. luck because after that, my hand met another.

lucky lucky dollar.
Link say



clay, malady. [May. 24th, 2007|12:25 am]
there is so much clay to mould malady, what do i mould? should i mould perfection? but i doubt it could possibly be perfection to you, if what i am going to mould would merely be a clay face that could break. but it is perfection to me, for it is not just a face, you must listen and watch carefully. i will tell you that this pair of eyes i have carved can see beauty i see in words, these eyes can look at me and blow me away like a hurricane, these eyes look tired, but are in love. these cheeks are not sharp, they seem to be cushioned only for the planting of a perfect kiss, one i will never achieve to give. i have carved this nose to let it smell only the sweetest scent, a scent i do not hold for i am merely a peasant. this pair of lips i have put together, the kind which i will watch as they dance when they speak, if they speak. they will taste only fine wine and the lips of roses. only muses and mockingbirds will sing to these ears for my melodies will deafen them. do you understand the perfection that means clay to you, malady? if only he were alive. but surely he is not, he is clay, and he belongs to the ground, this piece of perfection.

and i am merely a peasant, i am as empty as the air, i am not the ground, malady.
Link say



[May. 23rd, 2007|02:10 am]
see how he leans his cheek upon his hand! o, that i were a glove upon that hand, that i might touch that cheek!
Link say



[May. 21st, 2007|11:28 am]
sparrow sparrow fight the magpies, don't let them, don't let them steal the shine in your eyes.
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title [May. 19th, 2007|09:15 am]
you see, i am a book. you read me and if you find a blank page, you are unsatisfied and want words. when you find them and you don't like where the story is going, you close me and keep me aside. and i will be hoping to be read and you will hope i am not the story i seem to be.

it's okay because you have bookmarked me with pressed flowers.
Link say



i'm a lover but who said i was yours? [May. 19th, 2007|09:04 am]
this place again. i'm tired of feeling tired. so i sway and smile and my lips go in sync with the music. i see your eyes and body sway with me. you are attractive, i want to kiss you and not love you and i want you to do the same. maybe i could make you write about me. because i have read your diary and i hope you are the author of it because i am impressed.

you remind me of someone. maybe that's why you're a bit like gravity tonight.

my lips find out that your skin is soft.

lust is like a bruise. it leaves a mark and it lingers but it will eventually go away. you are black and blue, all over my skin.

unfortunately you aren't the one lingering in my fucked up heart.
Link 1 said /say



[May. 18th, 2007|09:34 am]
please understand that i am here but i do not know how to show it. anymore.
Link say

[May. 16th, 2007|12:00 pm]


you are unlucky because you don't have wings to fly away from broken hearts.
Link say



shakespeare [May. 15th, 2007|12:25 pm]


then you must speak of one that loved not wisely but too well
Link say



[May. 15th, 2007|12:21 pm]
and sometimes i'd like to tear you apart the way you do. but i won't because i wear patience like a scarf.
Link say



[May. 14th, 2007|11:30 am]


i feel like tugging at the hem of your shirt long enough for you to realize that i'm there.
Link say



we are scientists [May. 14th, 2007|12:17 am]
we catch interest, we observe, we experiment, we test, we fail, we test again, we succeed, we conclude, we carry on.
Link say



daydreamer [May. 13th, 2007|03:45 am]


let's wrap our legs around our hearts and drown in each other tomorrow because i know i'll have enough air to convince myself that everything isn't a mistake before you dive deep and pull me down with you.
Link say



ache [May. 12th, 2007|06:24 am]
you don't need to speak when you dance, your body tells a story. your hips sing a song and your hands spell sonnets and everyone looks happy in the dark, you can see them vaguely. but your stories are for someone you can't see at all. but if you could, if you could..

you wonder whether your story will even be read.
Link say



a wish [May. 11th, 2007|05:11 pm]


one day i will be familliar to the streets of paris. my apartment building will be le photo industrielle, the same building i took a polaroid of when i was 17. it will be owner to an old woman who drinks too much, who will tell me stories of failed love whenever i come downstairs to check for letters from someone who is almost a lover. my curtains will be white and see through and the draft will blow them aside for me to look at the eiffel at night. there will be lovers dancing down in the streets and old men smilling, selling roses for money they will eventually spend on cheap whiskey and sleep on the streets drunk with broken bottles and roses left scattered, and when i wake in the morning everything will seem like a photograph.

one day i will study art in paris.
Link say



maps [May. 11th, 2007|06:50 am]


do you know the direction of my words? it's to the north, the south, the east and the west of your heart but i'm afraid to go straight because i've lost my compass and i might not be prepared. i'm all over you, i'm like the rain and i fall on you, so you'll play in me but you'll be cold. i wish i could switch bodies with someone you love, so i wouldn't have to walk this very long winded road, or talk in tongues and eyes. i want to show you my poems without words and make you remember it when it disappears. if it ever disappears.
Link 1 said /say



mermaids [May. 10th, 2007|05:19 am]


so last night i neglected gravity and drifted in the water, exchanging secrets with someone far. i drowned my body like it were my feelings and it felt so familliar. maybe i was a mermaid in my past life, or maybe one day i will be a mermaid and fall in love with neptune and count seashells with him. our love will be like sand, too much. too much that he will sew my gills so i cannot breathe water, scale me and give me legs so i can walk to find someone who i won't love too much. but he will never understand that mermaid hearts can break too like human hearts, it's like being able to taste salt in the air and water.
Link say



we must come across something [May. 9th, 2007|03:52 am]


while we clean and pick ourselves up. the windows are trying to save you from the mess you've made, don't be stubborn and listen to them.
Link say

because we lie [May. 9th, 2007|03:11 am]


i hate blue ink because it doesn't go well on white pages, but most of the pages i write on aren't white and my black ink's actually blue. because i am colourblind, we are all colourblind, because water is aquamarine and transparent is white. we are all in denial because there is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow when there is no end, and we call hearts broken just because it hurts.

we are all fucking liars.
Link say



replacements [May. 9th, 2007|01:11 am]


natsumi: stranger
Durrr: always
natsumi: when will you ever not be one?
Durrr: when i'm not one to myself
natsumi: are you a stranger even to you?
Durrr: i am now
natsumi: why?
Durrr: i'm still lost, searching still i guess
Durrr: have you found yourself?
natsumi: we cannot search, we must walk and come across.
natsumi: i havent lost myself to find.
natsumi: just lost a few things ive had.
natsumi: misplaced, rather.
Durrr: ahh..better you find incase you've found something new
Durrr: but why mind if something new is better
natsumi: sometimes we miss.
natsumi: i dont believe in replacements.
Durrr: what if you have no choice?
natsumi: there is always a choice. it is just up to ourselves
natsumi: there is always a yes and a no.
natsumi: or there is ignorance.
natsumi: which is as good as no.
Link say



[May. 8th, 2007|03:28 am]
most of the time you distract me with the stars in your eyes, i cannot stop looking. when they meet mine, i breathe.
Link say



[May. 7th, 2007|04:02 am]



i wish i was a thunderstorm so i could blow you away.
i wish i was your thunderstorm so you could want me to blow you away.
Link say



[May. 6th, 2007|05:56 am]
i miss taking secret photographs of you.
Link say

i watch you play [May. 6th, 2007|05:48 am]
pool's like a love game, the white ball's casanova, the others are ladies, and he swiftly glides to brush against, to kiss and tell, to miss and let them snare but know that eventually they will fall off their feet and be put away, one after another.

the 8 ball plays hard to get but falls too. it's a simple game.

sometimes.


Link say

familliar? [May. 4th, 2007|04:19 am]


we exchanged a month and a season in a coffee shop and you wanted to come back to walk me home. but we were just acting and my name isn't a month like yours isn't a season and you never needed to come back to walk me home.
Link say





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